Tormented and restless

Goddamn... I really hate myself more then ever before. I'm on the brink of psychical and probably (as a result) physical dissolution and I could've avoided it. Is it too late? I'm really freaked out of this question - I really am; I feel some sort of sickness through all my cell-system. For the first time I don't know what to hope and I don't know where to head. My dreams collapsed all of a sudden and are threaded like never ever before - opposed of what Yeast might've suggested. It would've been great if I could disappear. But I can't so I must face the fact that I'm slowly consuming myself trying to understand, trying to fix my very situation. The issue consists in the fact that I'm not certain what to do. And this gives me the creeps. It would've been easier if I didn't love her...