The fallen

I'm in pain. My heart aches, my stomach aches. I have a strange feeling of numbness, I feel sick, I cannot concentrate at all. All I see is her face anywhere I may look. I hear her voice whispering soft words. I feel an obsessing urge to kiss her and hold her in my arms. This status tears me from inside out. It's eviscerating. I don't know how much will I stand tall.

I know some things. I know a few of them but that suffices. Really.

I just now when and where but I hardly know why and how. Why me? Why now? How? Questions with answers I don't really expect. It's not bothering me. Au contraire.

I know I fell. Yes. I fell for her in the most unimaginable manner. Who would've thought? It doesn't really matter anyway. I've never expected it. The moment of our first touch my whole cellular system rearranged. My inner energy shape-shifted and my universe redecorated itself in vivid nuances and flaming harmonious-wavelength rays. I can't explain it and neither science itself can't give relevant laws of this happening. But the truthful fact is I don't even care that much. It intrigued me once upon a time. I was curious but I am no more, though it will remain a marvel to me for quite some time. Her fascinating and mysterious mind, her looks, her (sometimes) unconventional way of thinking, her manner of expressing things and feelings (feelings are not things, you know...) and her scent. Oh, her scent! It gives me hot chills, awakens my inner basic instincts, fills me with definitely positive energy! Her scent is perhaps one of the most unexplainable things about her. And also one of the most astonishing and intriguing traits. I love it. My whole being loves it, every neural node, every cell...

[...]

However, the counterbalance of those above exists. It's painfully real. When I unfortunately upset her I'm in sudden pain. My whole being aches. I feel sick. I can't explain why. I never could...

My breath accelerates, my heartbeats can easily overtake a drilling machine in frequency, my blood pressure rises as fast as the elevators of Eiffel tower. And then when least expected everything's down. I'm down. I'm off. It's not me any more. It's a living carcass. I watch but cannot see, I listen but cannot hear, I walk but I don't move. Just as if a psycho-symbiote takes the steering wheel.

I am the fallen...

...and I love it with all the ups and downs involved. I just feel I can overcome everything.

Again, after a long time, I feel it. It is here and I feel it - I have no limits if I want it so. It's magnificent to feel it again!