In search of water

It's almost noon.
This morning I woke up with my eyes shut. Can you imagine that? Yes. I woke up with my eyes shut - I didn't want to see the everyday reality. My whole being wanted her to be the first thing I would see. But I just knew it can't be so my eyes were shut.
I took a dare and opened them and I suddenly felt the excruciating pain. My stomach was the epicenter. Dark, fervent tremors generated by my abdominal cavity spread all over my body. A real nuisance for my cellular life. I really didn't call her or something. I haven't showed any life sign at all. I knew it was not the way it's meant to be but my pride was by far more determined than me and brought me a lot of pain.
I wanted to call her, to tell her how much I need her and she doesn't have reasons to be upset. I wanted but I couldn't. The pain just grew and grew.
Not a sign from her up to 11:36 A.M. when she called. I didn't know what the hell to do. I was a bit joyful that she called but still something tried to keep me from answering the damn phone. I took control and answered. She just wanted to know I was o.k. and nothing more. I couldn't tell here anything else. I just couldn't say more. Of course, now I had technical reasons.
It's already noon.
I can't stand it anymore. She passed my damned pride's test. I'm sure it wasn't necessary and I was pretty sure she will pass. I trust her and I hate it when I upset her. It makes me sick. Very sick. So my wretched pride should stick something up its ass and get the hell out of my sentimental affairs.
I cannot wait anymore to call her and tell her what I need to. I can't stand this stillness and each second is like a minute and every minute like a couple of hours. How long do I have to wait?
I also wonder how will she react. I really hope she will bring down the pain. Only she can do it! She knows that.
I need her like the desert needs water...